To Love. To Grow. To Change. To Live.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Be Not Weary

My husband, Mario, and I have had quite a few trying years of marriage, to say the least. To put that into perspective, we've only been married for four years so it's still a fairly new experience when you think about it lasting for a lifetime.  There have been situations that have caused issues with trust and others that have caused us to become distant, and at times, I in particular, have wanted to give up. There's been a time where we were separated for just a short period of time and I was certain divorce was our only option. But, truly giving up and stepping away from a marriage is difficult, and it should be. So, how do you stay the course?!

1.  Prayer and Scripture
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." – Mark 10:9 -- Remember to pray constantly for your marriage, for your spouse and for yourself.  But don't just pray individually, pray as a couple as well as there is so much power in praying together regularly.  Ask God to cover your marriage, to show you both how to be more giving to one another, and to help you weather any storms that are sure to come.  Seek out scripture related to love and marriage to speak over your union and to point to during prayer.

This site has great prayers to speak over your marriage:  Today's Marriage Prayer - Learning to Love

2.  Communicate Feelings Respectfully
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." James 1:19 -- We're always told that communicating in marriage is key, and it is.  But how you communicate with each other is just as important.  It's usually isn't what you say but how you say it.  Your approach to communication is everything and being respectful is paramount.  Really listen to each other, share your hearts and always try to be understanding.

3.  Find Marital "Mentors"
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children." Titus 2:4 -- Each of you should seek out an older, married person of the same sex that you can go to for sound advice or a listening ear.  It could be a married couple or individuals, as long as you can trust them and they're firm believers.  I can't tell you how many times I've gone to my trusted individual just to ask her to pray for my marriage.  She's given me so much wisdom about marriage and is so supportive helping me to not just look at Mario and his fault in the issue but for me to face myself as well.

4.  Seek Counseling
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.  Proverbs 11:14 -- Don't be afraid of counseling.  If it means saving your marriage then do it.  Mario and I know for a fact that we need it and we plan to go once we can coordinate our schedules to go consistently to the counselor we've chosen during the limited times she has available.  We believe counseling will help us to see some things that we just can't see ourselves, give us some unbiased perspective, and provide some strategies to help us be a better couple.

I truly wish that couples could be more open about counseling.  It's incredibly hard to find a good one when you're too afraid to admit that you need one and can't ask around for where to go.  Luckily, I was able to find one locally who is Christian based as I believe that is incredibly important. 

5.  Unconditional Love
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -- A long lasting marriage requires that you love your spouse unconditionally.  Absolutely NO conditions. None. Your marriage can't survive without truly understanding what this means.

6.  Meeting Needs
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. – Philippians 2:3 -- Strive...STRIVE...to meet each others needs. Always.  Marriage requires lots of selflessness, sacrifice and compromise.  Since we're selfish by nature, meeting each other's needs constantly can be incredibly hard.  But if you're working to meet your partners need and they're working to meet yours then you should rarely want for anything.  And, when there are still some wants, needs and/or desires that aren't being met they should be taken to the Lord in prayer (not to someone or something that's going to pull you and your spouse apart).

7.  Be not weary 
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. – Galatians 6:9 -- Never give up on your marriage, never stop wanting to do right by your spouse, never, ever get weary when it comes to doing the work required to keep your marriage whole.  Always believe that you're better together than apart and that being married is full of blessing after blessing when Christ is at the center.

Fight for your marriage, always, and may God continue to bless your union.


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14 comments

  1. I feel you. My husband and I have had a rough patch and almost went our separate ways before we tied the knot. We did consider counseling but I was lucky enough to have a priest who is a friend and he became our counselor. It was difficult to overcome problems when it involves trust, but in the end we were able to work it out and I think we are stronger than ever because of that.

    Abby of Life in the Fash Lane

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  2. I love all of these! Prayer and scripture, so important. Rooting your marriage in a solid foundation is so critical. My husband and I seek out marital mentors too. We so desire to learn from a healthy marriage that has been going for several decades. Thanks for the encouragement with this post. Helps keep things in perspective.

    Elizabeth Ann // www.lovedoinglife.com

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  3. Wonderful inspirational words of wisdom. Marriage is unbelievably difficult and requires daily work and dedication. It is so important to sustain your love and invest in each other. Thank you for the encouragements!

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  4. This is a lovely post! These can not only be helpful in marriage, but can also apply to people such as myself who are dating and in a long term relationship! :) I agree that communication is key, and it is especially important how you communicate with each other. This has been one thing my boyfriend and I sometimes struggle with, the correct way to communicate. Thanks for sharing this!

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  5. Such a great post. Communication is really important in building marriage and keeping it!

    — DT | Here I Scribble

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  6. Great post! I'm engaged and my fiance and I practice a lot of these already. I think the biggest thing is communication. Thanks for sharing these! :)

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  7. I love the advice on finding marital mentors! What a great tip!

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  8. These are great Nicole! I love the scripture references...I think it's great to speak on this as most people tend to talk about issues after a marriage has failed. And though lessons can be learned, it's great to have an example on one who is staying the course in the midst of challenges. Beautiful!

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  9. I love this post. So much good advice here. I think it's great that you have a self awareness about what needs to happen in order to keep your marriage strong.

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  10. I adore this post. So much wisdom in each one of your points and all excellent reminders. Thank you

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  11. I am so glad you addressed this in your post! One of my goals for the new year is to have a stronger marriage. We're closing in on our second year of marriage and while it's not always a cake-walk, we love each other so, and we want to fight to keep our marriage strong! Thanks for the scriptures to follow :)

    xoxo, SS

    Southern And Style

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  12. Glad you guys have made it through some hard times and come out strong on the other side! That's what counts! Glad you're seeking to have a relationship based on the truth of Scripture!

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  13. Sound tips to make the relationship work. Completely agree on communicating with respect. Seeking help when needed is awesome advice, that is often ignored :)

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  14. Nicole, I love this so much. As a newlywed, it resonates SO much with me. My husband and I are in the process of finding marital mentors now!

    Coming Up Roses

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! I read and cherish each and every one and do my very best to respond to all in a timely manner.

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