To Love. To Grow. To Change. To Live.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Misery and the Company it Loves

I was very upset the other day. And I mean very upset!

I wanted to tell people.
I wanted to get it out.
“Off my chest.”
I wanted to feel better.

For some reason, I thought telling others would be helpful. But I didn’t say a word. Then I wondered why I felt that way; why I wanted to tell someone. I posed the following question on my Facebook fan page: “Why is it that when we are hurt we want to tell the world about our pain? Is it that we believe that sharing somehow makes us feel better? “

The response I received: "Maybe the old adage, 'misery loves company,' is true."

But is it really true?
Is that what I was feeling?
Is that what you feel when you seek others when you’re hurt, sad, overwhelmed, going through something?

After some thought, I understood the response and I agree that ever so often that is the case. But to me, “misery loves company” has a negative connotation; that someone wants others around them to be upset, hurt, in pain, etc. too. I just don’t believe that is the objective of most who want to express their feelings.

I believe that oftentimes people just desire support and reassurance that no matter how things look in the moment things will work out for their good. I think when you're hurt, sad, frustrated, etc., you just want people to be there for you. You want someone to listen, to have empathy, to understand. Of course, we have to be careful about what we share, how we share it and with whom we share. But, I don’t believe bottling up our emotions and feelings when we’re going through the storms of life is the right approach. At least not for me it isn’t.

I use this blog (and my twitter account since tweets have such a short “life”) as my main outlets. But there are just some things I can’t/won’t share online so I need other ways to express myself. Although I have people that are very supportive I tend to keep things to myself to keep from burdening others. Even beyond that, sometimes I’m embarrassed by things (that may be going on in my marriage), or ashamed that I felt a certain way (about parenting), or uncomfortable (by my lack of forgiveness or hurts that I’m holding on to from my past), or self-conscious (about a bad decision that was made). You name it and I have an excuse for why I rarely share anything with anyone besides my husband. But, he can’t always be my outlet, right?!

I wonder if other people have similar thoughts/feelings.

I do know the devil wants us to feel hopeless and alone, and I believe one of his strategies includes isolation. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Lions tend to identify and isolate the weakest in the herd before attacking.  So yeah, that.  With that said, don’t become isolated; not as Christians, as woman, men, family members, friends, etc. Stay connected to those around you and pray for discernment as to who best in your circle can provide the accountability, admonition, encouragement, etc. needed when trials and tribulations come.

If you find that you have similar ideas as I have, I pray that you too find the appropriate outlet that you need, when you need it.  You can even shoot me an email if you'd like.  Who knows, we may be able to support each other.

Find Joy,



  1. Nicole, in similar in that i tend to only talk to my husband. But i also have church friends that i trust to speak with. You are so right though that the devil wants us isolated and as Christians it's the worse thing we can do. Be encouraged. Find you some good god fearing people you can trust and believe you are not a burden that is what doing life is all about! Be blessed!

  2. I think it depends on who you're talking about when you say 'misery loves company'. I like to share when I'm hurt, sad, mad, etc. because I don't always know what to do with those emotions and those are the hardest emotions for me to get myself out of. It's helpful for me to enlist the help of others during those times of need...and yes, it's also better to spread the love around (meaning you can't always talk to the same person every time you need a boost or to get things off your chest). It's very important to have people you can lean on and trust because those are the people who understand you best. They know how to take in the information you're sharing better than ol' Joe Blow off the street and they should be able to be honest with you. That's all I need. Some times, my eyes are opened in ways they wouldn't have been otherwise. Support systems are very important to me and over the years you learn who you can and can't depend on.
    Great Post!

  3. I agree. I had to learn this too. I can be very private. I had to learn to let some things out. Now I turn to my friends more than I used to because I know their first reaction will be to pray. No judgment. No guilt. Just prayer.


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