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Friday, May 09, 2014

BITTERsweet

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, as I’m sure you’re aware. I’ve been dreading the past two weeks leading up to it, if I can be frank.


I’m sure that sounds horrid coming from a mother. Just horrid. But, this is the second mother’s day that I will spend without my mother. Sadly, the same timing coincides with how long I’ve been a mother as well. One would hope that I would just be able to focus on the fact that I am a mother. And I do on the actual day, mostly for my daughter but for my husband too. However, I tend to spend the couple of weeks leading up to it feeling sad and longing for simple things, like hearing my mother’s voice, receiving one of her hugs or just being in her presence.

Usually during these weeks, I’m contemplating what I’m planning to do for her on that day; buying stuff and making plans to travel home that weekend. So it’s hard. Real hard, actually, to pretend like this day makes me happy now that I’m a mom. I think it’s easy to assume that I should make the best of Mother’s Day because I'm now a mother, forgetting that I've spent the last 20+ years of my life focusing on my own mom leading up to and on that day.

I am still growing into my role as a mother, especially one that “requires” honor, and I don’t feel that I have truly earned the right to be honored just yet. Not sure if I’ll ever feel that way, really. I will say, that I look forward to the Mother’s Days when my child(ren) are old enough to come up with ways all on their own to make me feel special. Just having them close feels like an honor on Mother’s Day but having them express their love in their own little way will surely lighten the burden that I feel in my heart because I can no longer do the same for my own…

So, love on your mother this upcoming holiday, and be sure to honor her not just on this day, but every chance that you get!

Still happy,
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5 comments

  1. Oh, Nicole, my heart ached for you when I read your blog. You deserve honor now. As a mom, you probably will never feel like you deserve it but you are worthy of honor now. Receive it. You brought forth life- honorable. You are raising Maddie up in the Word - honorable. You are demonstrating womanhood and a Godly wife in front of her even now - honorable. Your mother would be proud. Giving honor to whom honor is due.

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  2. I love you very much Nicole and this was very informative. You've answered so many questions I've had. I just want you to know that I'm always here if you need anything!! Happy early Mother's Day!!

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  3. Love you dearly and I know that it's tough! I think of her all the time so I know that will never change for you! But I do know that one day all sadness will cease and only happy thoughts will remain... praying for you and all who are missing their moms!

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  4. Awww...praying for you sis, so sorry for your loss!! I remember my first Mother's Day without my mom...it was tough(as well as the ones that followed)! :-( But, what brings me joy now are all the wonderful memories my sisters and I have of her...she was a GREAT mommy, as I'm sure yours was too! :-) We(you and I) were blessed to have had such wonderful mothers and that's something we'll have with us for the rest of our lives. Praying for you this weekend and wishing YOU a beautiful Mother's Day as you make lasting memories with your children! Blessings my friend! :-)

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  5. I'm so fortunate to have my mother but my mother lost her mom 2 years ago. She tries so hard to make the best of Mother's Day but I still see her pain. Prayers for you my friend.

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