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Monday, April 04, 2016

You Can't Do It All

Pharr Away | You Can't Do It All

Oftentimes we talk about finding balance in life.  I'm going to say something that sounds contradictory but I hope that you'll get it: Seeking balance is important because it helps us to make necessary adjustments in life, but there is no such thing as truly being balanced.  It's not something I think is actually attainable.  

When we're excelling in a few areas of our lives there is certain to be another area or two, or more, that aren't getting the attention that is needed.  It's taken me up until recently to be okay with this.  There is no way that anyone can do it all. Here are three things I want you to think about so that you too can stop being unrealistic about it.

Stop Being Too Proud

Part of the problem is being somewhat proud of "doing it all".  Take me, for instance, I'm a believer/seeker/follower, wife/helpmate/lover, mother/teacher/playmate, family member, friend, employee, blogger, cook, house cleaner, laundry doer, nurse, scheduler -- you get where I'm going with this.  We, and I'm really speaking to women (especially mothers), wear a lot of hats.  A lot of them.  And, we're often praised for it to a certain extent.  We take pride in being able to "balance" our lives and do it all.  But, again, we just cannot do it all and trying to do so comes at a cost.  Being proud in this way isn't healthy because we start to feel like we're supposed to be doing it all, usually somewhat alone, and do it without complaint.  What we end up doing is setting ourselves up for burnout, frustration and/or losing sight of focusing on those things that are most important to us.

It's also a set up to think that other people have it all together and are getting it all done.  They are not, and if they're coming close to it it is due to help. I assure you.

Ask/Welcome Help

I often say to my husband that "I do everything."  Sometimes I say this jokingly but more times than not I really feel this way.  I get upset about it too because I feel like he's not doing enough.  I'd gotten into the habit of doing quite a bit around the house when I was a SAHM and that made sense at the time.  It became routine.  Then I went back to work and obviously things had to change.  They did, but not enough.  It wasn't until I got halfway into my second pregnancy that I realized I needed more help.  I lot of help.  

I expected my husband to just know this.  But, the thing about establishing a routine is it can be hard to realize a change is needed because you've gotten so use to the way things have been.  I needed to communicate, to speak up, and it took a breaking point for me to finally express how I was feeling.  I pray that you speak up before you reach that point.

And, when people offer help; friends, family, coworkers, etc, accept it!

Recognize the Season

We must always be mindful of the season of life that we are in and adjust our priorities accordingly.  If you have young children at home, work may not be your biggest concern at the moment.  If your husband is just starting a business and need your support, keeping a spotless home may not be the best use of your time.  If your career is picking up steam, cooking meals regularly may not be achievable for a while.  If you're taking care of a sick or elderly family member, being able to connect with friends may not be as easy as it use to be.  You've got to recognize the season of life that you're in and give yourself grace when forced to put certain things on the back burner while you focus on others.  

I promise you that keeping all of the above in mind will make a huge difference! What are you thoughts?  Do you feel like you have to do it all?  I'd love to hear your viewpoint on the subject in the comments.

Be intentional,
Photo by Lucas Saugen

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13 comments

  1. I think for me, it comes very natural to ask for help. I grew up in a big family and no one tackles tasks like making dinner all alone, it was always a group project. I don't have that need to accomplish things all on my own without any help, and I actually think that helps me a lot in life, I easily recognize when it's better to have help!

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  2. These are great tips! It's so hard to ask for help sometimes, but instead of worrying about inconveniencing someone, we need to know when it's appropriate to get help from others.

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  3. LOVED this post for a Monday! I think it's super hard to ask for help when we need it because society tells us that we need to be superwoman!

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  4. Every single last one of these are great points. You are absolutely right about it all. I could respond to each point, but I believe you've done a sufficient job of elaborating on each. You've also given great advice...I just pray that those who need it, take heed and do what's necessary to survive!!

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  5. Great advice! I've been working on letting go of some things so I can focus on what I REALLY want to do.

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  6. Oh how you just spoke to my life. Are we the same person? I think we might be... LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Great tips! Especially your point ab pride. I never realized that's what it was but that's exactly what it is. I do this, that, this... And it makes us feel good in a way to be able to juggle all of those plates then they get too heavy and shatter on the ground ( this is how I pictured what you said lol). But yes! Beautiful!

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  7. Great post! I try all too much to be super woman when a simple ask for help keeps me from going crazy:)

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  8. This is such a great and inspiring post. I have a tendency to try to do it all and end up spreading myself too thin. I found your words really helpful! - Trish

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  9. Great post! I'm so guilty of this. Doing it all myself and not asking for help is one of my biggest problems. I know Hubby will help if I ask, but for whatever reason I figure it's easier to do it myself. One thing that has helped me stop DOING IT ALL was changing my planner to a day-on-one-page set up. I lay out everything I have to do and fill the rest in with want to dos. I only run it from 7 am to 9 pm, so I'm not staying up all night trying to finish stuff.

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  10. THIS. yes, this is so important. I'm trying to take my self care to the next level

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  11. So true! Why do we even try to do it all!??! We make these insane lists for ourselves, when majority isn't even a major priority! Love this, great post!

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  12. Are we twins? Lol. I too try to do it all but that ain't happening and I have learned to accept it. I had to learn to be ok with asking for help, especially from my husband. And the cool thing is he doesn't mind helping, just needs a reminder. I have a messy living room from time to time and I am ok with that. My hubby is too and if he wasn't then he could clean it. Great post.

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  13. I'm so guilty of this! Thanks for sharing it does open my eyes, about trying to be superwoman and not asking for help! I guess the majority of time, I feel like it will not be done right or having to hear about it at another time.

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! I read and cherish each and every one and do my very best to respond to all in a timely manner.

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