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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

"My Prerogative" | Consulting with Your Spouse

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I was excited on my way home from work  on a Friday recently, like I am every Friday when I get off, then "My Prerogative" by Bobby Brown came on.  If you were on I-40 around 4 pm on that particular Friday then you saw me in my car looking like I had lost it as I jammed away to this, uh, "classic"!

The first time the hook played, I was really feeling it, singing along, talkin' 'bout...

Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live (tell me whyyyy?!?)
I don't need permission
Make my own decisions (oh!)
That's my prerogative!

By the way, I've been spelling "perogative" wrong in my head all of my life.  But whatever.  The second time the hook came around I was like, but wait, I do need "permission".  I don't make my own decisions at all. At least not without asking my husband first.  This goes for practically everything. And vice versa.  And, if I can get really transparent here, I must say that I really, really love that I have my husband to discuss things with, especially big life changing decisions. He's a prayer and he's decisive, which translates to the ultimate decision maker! We all have strengths and weakness, and indecisiveness is one of mine. But, let's move on.

I'd like to be clear; at the end of the day it's not really about asking for permission. It takes a bit of growth, maturity and trust to get that at first.  It's really about consulting with my spouse about nearly everything because the decisions either one of us makes can have an impact on the other, and the family as a whole.  Did you get that?!

From one of us going out to dinner with friends, to the other hosting a party at the house, to someone staying at work late, to the other picking out a comforter for the master suite (yeah, fancy prints don't sit well with my guy); there has to be some form of discussion, big or small, about practically everything.  Did I mention, everything?!  

It may sound burdensome to some, but honestly it's just about keeping each other in the loop.  It helps to keep schedules in tact, ensure that each person is aware of what's going on in and out of the home with each other (and the children), and gives the opportunity for the other person to have a say, if/when necessary (remember that comforter I mentioned?).  Sometimes, sacrifices and compromises must be made, but when all is said and done both parties are on the same page, and that's what's important.

Ultimately, you have to determine what level of discussion and communication in regards to decision making is right for you and your partner.  It may take time to get use to checking in with someone, especially if you're use to being independent and self-sufficient *raises hand* but over time it eventually becomes second nature.

Do you and your partner consult with each other regularly? About all things; big and small? I'd love to hear your take on this topic!

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7 comments

  1. I completely agree with checking with your spouse before committing to something. Not only does it delay any impulse decisions, but you also have an "out" if you can't bring yourself to turn something down.

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  2. I totally agree! Even something as simple as accepting a dinner invitation for the two of you or committing to an activity for the two of you requires some discussion/consultation so that everyone is on the same page and knows what's going on. Spouses are a team!

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  3. This is a really good topic Nicole. There was a time our kids always came to me when it came down to making purchases. Now that I'm a SAHM, that was one of the 1st things I changed. Mommy doesn't make money decisions by herself. For us, it comes down to respecting one another and truly understanding the meaning of true commitment and being one. One bank account!!
    Also, we gain so much when we learn to sacrifice certain things. My husband always say to me "Yes, just not right now" and in the end, I end up getting more. :) Oh and Nicole, I think our husbands should meet. They are so alike.

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  4. This is a great post! Spelling prerogative makes no sense to me ;) But absolutely YES to consulting your spouse! I think it just shows respect - that you care about what they have to say, and that as husband and wife, you make choices together. It keeps you on the same page, instead of making independent decisions and expecting the other to keep up. I've made that mistake so many times.

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  5. I agree with you 100%. I love asking my husband for his opinion on basically everything that I do or plan to do. It goes both ways here, it just makes our bond even stronger ;)

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  6. Absolutely! I think it's less about asking permission and more about showing each other respect! :)

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  7. Yes yes & yes big & small! It's a lost Art of Marriage if you ask me. Those who don't do this, I feel, keep some "independence" of themselves which keep them from not being "one"!

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! I read and cherish each and every one and do my very best to respond to all in a timely manner.

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