To Love. To Grow. To Change. To Live.

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Be Encouraged, Motherless Mothers




I lost my mother while pregnant.  My child(ren) will never know her in the physical sense, and that jars me to my soul.  It's like they're both missing out on something so great; a relationship with each other. I dwell on this fact more intensely on Mother's Day.  I grin and bear the day, knowing it's a day meant to celebrate me, a mother. But being a motherless mother is hard and I hurt on that day.

As the years go by I know that I'll learn to embrace the day more so from my perspective as a mother than I do from my perspective as a daughter.  But, as I've said before, I've been a daughter for far longer than I've been a mother, so this transition will take time, and lots of it.

But, I wanted to encourage other motherless mothers just prior to Mother's Day because I know how it is to feel like no one can possibly understand, especially those around you that should count themselves grateful to not know this feeling.

So be encouraged, dear mother, and know:

You're Not Alone
Know that you're not alone on this journey.  Lean on your family, friends and support system. Reach out to other motherless mothers that you may have connected with and lift each other up on Mother's Day.  Don't bottle up your emotions.  Tell someone how you feel. Your spouse, a close friend, a close family member, journal it, write a post about it. Whatever medium of release you choose is up to you, but I encourage you to get it out!


Your Feelings are Valid
Whatever thoughts you're having about the impending day I encourage you to confront them head on. Think them through. Feel them. Ache. It's okay to feel what you're feeling.  It's natural to continue to hurt because of your loss, no matter how long it's been. Days like Mother's Day, their birthday, and so many other days that were deemed significant because of them are rough days to get through, and that's to be expected.  Know that others know that.  So whatever you do, do not suppress.  You can't run away from feelings, and attempting to conceal them doesn't do anyone any good. Deal with them now, before Mother's Day arrives, and cry, cry hard if you have to. I'm sure to cry with you!

ALSO READ:  Losing a Parent

You're a Mother Worthy of Celebration
Embrace the fact that you're a mother who is deserving of this day of celebration.  I encourage you to cling to your role as a mother on Mother's Day, making it your sole focus.  I know this is hard and this is asking a lot.  But try very hard to let this day be about you now.  Make it a point to honor your mother in some small, unique way going forward.  Say a prayer, put flowers out in remembrance of her, release balloons, etc.  Whatever it is, just do something, as it will allow you to feel that you're still able to make this day about her in some way.  But keep it quick and keep it simple, then allow yourself to partake in this day fully engaged and uplifted.

You'll Always be Her Daughter
No matter what, you'll always be hers. Her daughter, her treasure, her sweet, sweet girl.  Your love for her and her love for you will never, ever die. It's forever embedded deep within your soul. I encourage you to hold tight to your memories of her and share her with your children through pictures, stories and the lessons she taught you. Remember that she's always with you, and that's she's watching over you like only a mother could.

Have Hope
God loves you and He knows your heart; when it's in pain, weary and full of suffering. He's right there. Right there all the time and full of love, joy and hope. He's a burden-carrier, so allow Him to wrap His arms around you on Mother's Day, and every day, as you continue to live this life as a mother without her mother.  And, when you're feeling like it's too much to bear, just remember:

 “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.  According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.  For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words.”
-1 Thessalonians 4:13-18



A small gesture of love for my mother, Sharon Sanders (11.13.68 - 10.17.11), to grace our dining room table now through Mother's Day.

Be encouraged,

SHARE:

55 comments

  1. I am not a mother but can't wait to be one! I lost my mom a little over a year ago and I wish that my future kids would have been able to get to know her. This post sums up exactly what I am scared of on Mother's Day when I do have kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It been difficult, but it gets more manageable as time goes on. It's been three years since my mother has passed and I'm still hurting, but I'm also learning to embrace my role as a mother and will do my very best to enjoy the day not just for my family (i.e., child(ren) & husband) but for myself. She'd want me to be happy!!!

      I pray your strength as you carry on without your mother as well, during your wedding and once you have children. Be encouraged!

      Delete
  2. Oh this is absolutley beautiful! I still have my mom around but I can only imagine the longing I'd feel if she were gone. This was very well put and I know someone who this would benefit. Thank you for your wonderful post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Amber, and I hope that this post was able to help those in need of it.

      Delete
  3. Such sweet words. I am lucky enough to have my mother and treasure it. Will be thinking of you this week!

    Brittany
    The Lady Lawyer

    ReplyDelete
  4. you have me crying at work!! What a beautiful post!! God bless you and your family!! Be encouraged!
    xo,
    Lisa #blmgirl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no, Lisa! Thank you so, so much for your sweet words and encouragement! Hugs your way :)!!!

      Delete
  5. What a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable story. May God bless you as a mother now and He be the comfort of your soul always.

    Be Blessed,
    Gema from belovedgems.org

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so, so much, Gema! I am claiming those words right now!!!

      Delete
  6. I'm a motherless mother and this post went straight to my heart. I always talk to my daughter of nonna Laura and she talks back at her looking in the sky. I'm so emotional these days. Thank you for this post dear. Baci,
    Coco et La vie en rose fashion blog - Valeria Arizzi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad that this post touched you, Coco. For a while I couldn't talk about my mother with my daughter but this year I've gotten a lot better about it. I had an emotional week leading up to Mother's Day, but I was able to enjoy it once it arrived.

      Thanks so much for sharing your story.

      Delete
  7. Omg I've just realised my mom passed away 9 days after yours.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nicole, this post is very inspirational. I have a friend that lost her mother years ago and every year she struggles around this time. I sympathize with her but can't relate because my mother is still alive. She deals with her children not knowing their grandmother as well. I sent her this link in hopes that it will bring her some comfort as Mother's Day approaches. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I wrote this post because I needed it, but I also wrote it because I knew others would need it. Thank you so much for reading, commenting and sharing! I can't express my appreciation enough!

      Delete
  9. Hi Nicole
    I'm the friend this was sent to. I am so thankful you wrote this article. My mother has been deceased for 17 years and I'm still very emotional every year, just because Mom was so special. However, I will take the tip to honor her before the official Mother's Day so that I won't be a mess for my children, husband and family!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so thankful that you were touched by this post! I was very, very close to my mother as well so I imagine that I'll have mixed feelings about so many days that remind me of her throughout the remainder of my life. I'm definitely finding ways to deal with my emotions so that they don't overtake me during this time, but I definitely ache for her even more around Mother's Day. I hope you were able to honor your mother prior to Mother's Day and I pray that it helped. It definitely helped me a bit.

      I will keep you in my prayers!

      Delete
  10. Beautiful post! It is important that we are here to support one another in difficult times! The best thing we can do is share our testimonies to show others how we have made it through and that with God there certainly is hope! Thanks so much for sharing! The flowers are so lovely and are a great symbol of your mothers beauty and love right at your dinning table! Have a great mothers day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, indeed, Amanda! Sharing our stories and offering support is so, so important. God has definitely been allowing me to heal just by sharing my testimony in this way.

      Delete
  11. Such a beautiful and touching post. My mother is still with me but I have several friends who have been motherless due to passing very early on in life. Thankfully, they have had a great support group all of these years .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Shonda!

      It's good to hear that your friends have a great support group. It's definitely key to getting through a loss as significant as a parent.

      Delete
  12. Beautiful. I so enjoyed reading 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 - thank you - and I am so sorry that your mother is gone - especially since she was so dear to you. Big hugs for Mother's Day :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Donna! Hugs right back at ya!!!

      Delete
  13. My condolences. This is such a beautiful post. I love that you honor your mother on Mother's Day and at the same time make room to celebrate yourself as a mother. Sometimes we forget that Mother's Day can be difficult for some people for varying reasons. This is a great reminder to consider the people in our lives that are struggling on Mother's Day and need our support. Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, yanique! The gesture of flowers that I started this year definitely made for a better Mother's Day for me this year. It'll be something that I do going forward as a way to do something for her and still allow myself to enjoy the day. It's so necessary now that I'm a mother.

      Delete
  14. Sweetheart...What a beautiful post...You belong to a sorority we will all unfortunately (and hopefully) belong to one day. I say hopefully because I believe it is the hardest thing in the world to outlive your own children. I also believe that your mother knows your child(ren) and that your child(ren) will build a relationship through stories about her...that's how I got to know my grandma. God bless you and I hope that you have an amazing Mother's Day because YOU are a mother worth celebrating. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Heather! I so agree with you. Although I don't want my children to know this pain, I pray that that we all live long full lives and that they outlive me.

      I love your perspective about my mom knowing my children and them knowing her through stories. I will keep that thought close to my heart. Thank you so much for that and your sweet, sweet words!!!

      Delete
  15. Such a lovely post...sorta lost for words...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh straight to my heart! I can feel the passion it took for you to write this, so lovely and encouraging, thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so, so much, Megan! It took me quite some time to get this all out, and it was quite emotional yet good for me.

      Delete
  17. Your mom obviously raised an amazing daughter. She would be so proud of you for this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so, so much for such kind words!

      Delete
  18. Thank you Nicole, your mother's love is written all over this post. I lost my mother as a teenager but as you stated the love never dies. I've often referred to myself as a motherless daughter but you are correct in acknowledging that when we become mothers our role gives us an opportunity to celebrate our own mother's memory with our children. I wrote a strikingly similar post about what I learned after losing my mother that you may enjoy http://thesolomama.com/wish-id-known-day-lost-mother/. Be blessed & nice to have found your site. #BLMGirl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Regina! I've read your post and it's as if I've written it myself. Our thoughts are so incredibly similar and I truly enjoyed reading it and knowing that someone completely understood what I've gone through.

      Delete
  19. This is such a beautiful and articulate post.

    ReplyDelete
  20. wow, I am here writing the same type of article I lost my mother when I was six and I want to help other from being depressed during this time

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was such a hard, yet necessary post for me to write. I pray that you were able to articulate your thoughts as well and be able to heal a bit through the sharing of your testimony! May your story help others as well!

      Delete
  21. I love everything about this post!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. This post made me cry!! Thank you for those kind words Nicole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww, Takisha! So glad this post was able to touch you. Thank you for always supporting, Takisha, it means a lot!

      Delete
  23. Thank you so much for writing this! God definitely used you to touch some lives with this message. Your post is so timely and came just at the time that I was sitting down to plan my Mother’s Day post as a Motherless mommy. Your tips will go a long way in helping those of us who feel this immense pain on this holiday to remember that we are not alone. Thank you for the encouragement and support you provided through this post. I am sending you a virtual Mother’s day hug :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so, so much for this comment, Embrolic! I wanted to touch at least one person with this post and the response has been overwhelming! As we discussed during our FB chat, we seem to be in a similar place so I look forward to staying connect with you! Hugs right back at ya :)!!!

      Delete
  24. I'm not a mother yet, but I've seen the pain of my mom becoming motherless. Even over 15 years later Mother's Day is still hard for her. I hope and pray that my mother will live to meet our future kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Lisa, it's such a lasting pain but it does become more manageable.

      I'm pray that same prayer that you're praying for your mother right along with you! May she live a long, full, healthy life, and be around to love and nurture your children for years to come!

      Delete
  25. What a beautiful post and so enjoyed 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and the small gesture to your mother - your photo with your daughter seems also to be a tribute for her - big hugs and Happy Mother's Day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Donna! I hadn't even thought of the photo of my daughter and I in that way. Thank you for that perspective! Hugs to you as well and I hope your Mother's Day was great!

      Delete
  26. Thank you for this post! My mother lost her father when she was pregnant with me and lost her mother when I was 4. I know she thinks about them so often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my, Marissa. I pray that she's found a way to manage the pain that comes along with such a great loss. I couldn't imagine losing both of my parents and doing so in a such a short time frame. I pray that God continues to cover her, even thought it's probably been years, as I know that it's an ache that never fully goes away.

      Delete
    2. I don't think the pain ever goes away, but I think it's gotten easier. A friend of mine drew a portrait of my mother and her dad. I gave it to my mother at her work today and words cannot describe how moves she was!

      Delete
    3. So, so glad you and your friend were able to doing something to comfort your mother in that way!

      Delete

Thanks for taking the time to comment! I read and cherish each and every one and do my very best to respond to all in a timely manner.

© Pharr Away | All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Created by pipdig