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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

"Attachment Parenting"

I've been told that I have an "attachment parenting" style.  When I looked into the term I found that I actually fit the description perfectly yet somehow I felt like the term has negative undertones, or at least is often viewed negatively.  I like to think that I simply have a loving, nurturing and caring parenting style, no labels necessary. But it is what it is!

I suppose some may identify my style of parenting in this way because:

  • I breastfed exclusively and am currently doing "extended" breastfeeding.
  • I held her a LOT in the beginning and I still continue to cuddle, hug. kiss and carry her around a LOT!
  • I usually take her feelings and emotions pretty seriously and try to understand what's going on.
  • We co-slept for the first 4-6 months and are not a fan of the Cry-It-Out (CIO) method, although we did give it a try (so not for us)!
  • I have separation anxiety just as much as she does.
  • Vaccines freak me out (but she still got them).
  • I believe in communication, redirection and guidance when it comes to discipline instead of spanking.
  • I would like to homeschool my children during their elementary years, at the least.

Being this way as a parent isn't something that I set out to do, it's just something that came naturally to me as a mother.  I never thought it was any particular style of parenting.  Just parenting!  Up until I was labeled as such I often felt (and still feel) like I am well balanced as a parent, knowing that it's a give and take sort of process that I'll never quite get completely right.

In contrast, at least in my opinion, to the attachment parenting label:

  • I don't let every cry, bump and fall phase me.  
  • I allow her to pick herself up and get over unnecessary crying episodes on her own in her own time.
  • I believe that discipline and instruction is very important, so I don't just let her get away with anything.
  • I do not cater to tantrums.  When she has one, I let her know that it's not the way to get my attention then I walk off. She quickly gets over herself to follow.
  • I don't smother or hover and make sure that I give her plenty of time to play and do things independently.
  • I don't ever plan to be her friend but will forever intend to be very close.
  • I believe the order should be God, Mario (Husband) then Madison (Children)...let's discuss in a future post, shall we!

Ultimately, I try to keep in mind that this is my very first time being a parent so I simply tend to do what I feel in my heart is the best for my child.  I'm prayerful that God will handle the rest!

Do you identify (or have been identified) with a particular style of parenting?
Does it annoy you or do you embrace it?

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12 comments

  1. You sound like a wonderful parent to me. Although I find labels tedious because they never tell the whole story, sometimes they do give another person a hint of what sort of person you are. But if they come with a lot of bad stereotypes, then I guess they could do more harm than good. Our parenting styles are different, but it seems that we both are doing our best to raise our children to be healthy and happy, in every sense of the words. Anyone who critiques that too harshly has skeletons in their closet, I think.

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    1. Thanks, Lisa! I agree, I don't feel like you can completely some up someone based on labels. I also agree that it's all about doing the best for your child no matter your "style".

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  2. Amen girl! I'm the same way with my daughter. I'm often accused of "Spoiling my baby" But I replace the spoiling with loving. I believe that's how Jesus intended mothers to be!

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    1. Exactly, Heather, I say the same thing and I totally agree that it's how Jesus designed us!

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  3. Hmm...I'm not sure what style of parenting I have...but I do have a lot of these characteristics. When it comes to sleep, though, I am the total opposite, which is weird. I'm a big snuggler, still carry Walker around (he's almost 2 and HUGE), and do all of those, but at night...I want them in their bed and me in mine. I wonder what kind of parenting style that is?

    You are a great mother, Nicole. I've said it before, but Maddie is lucky to have you two as parents!

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    1. Probably semi-attachment parenting, lol, which is what I call myself because I don't completely match up with all of the attachment parenting principles. With sleep we've finally gotten to a point where she's sleeping in her own room through the night and it's been awesome!

      Thanks SO much for your kind words, Ashley!

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  4. I classify myself as living a semi-attachment parenting lifestyle, too. And I agree with you--I SO did not set out to live our lives that way! It kind of just fell on us as the "right" style of parenting. I never read any books or articles. I exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months and then continued to BF until my supply stopped when S was 18 months old {due to me being pregnant again}. We still co-sleep, although she sleeps in her crib for naps. We tried the CIO method too and it totally wasn't right for us! I also do vaccines, but only two at a time. I believe that mothers should do what they think is best for themselves and their babies. It's really an instinct.

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    1. Yes, Kera! This style of parenting just sort of happened and I'm totally fine with it! It just makes sense and works for us. And I totally agree that mother's should do what they think is best. Parenting in my opinion should come naturally and like you said, based on your instincts!

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  5. I've lately been thinking about the order of my priorities. I've always put my children first but lately have pondered the idea that maybe my Husband should come first.

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    1. Ashley, I think when children are young we can't help but focus on them, naturally because they're so dependent. But as they get older some people still allow them to be their focus when I believe that the marriage should be at the forefront. I can't wait to get all of my thoughts down about this in a post. Stay tuned!

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  6. I definitely fall more into the attached parenting category. I set out to do some things differently, like co-sleep, but it's what has worked for us. People that view it negatively just don't understand it, the way we all sometimes view things we may not understand in a negative light sometimes. We all need to do what works best for our respective families.

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  7. You really hit it on the nail, Holly! People just don't understand and I must admit I've been that way about things until I was in the situation and had a better understanding!

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! I read and cherish each and every one and do my very best to respond to all in a timely manner.

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