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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

My battle with Food...

Yesterday after I ate lunch, I had one Oreo cookie.  Then I went back and had two more.  Later that day while making Maddie a healthy snack I grabbed two more cookies for myself. It's only five, I told myself.  After I ate dinner, I had two more cookies and later before I went to bed I was feeling a little down about some things (including how many cookies I'd eaten throughout the day) so I had another...

That's eight Oreos (Read: A whole lot of cookies)! Sad thing is, this is typical for me throughout the day if there are sweets in the house. I tell myself that I'll get just one and by the end of the day I've had several. Sometimes I don't even really want them but eat them because they are there.  Sometimes I just want something sweet after a meal.  But a lot of the time I eat because of my emotions!

{via}

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that my life has been the best that it's ever been...ever!  But I am human and I have struggles that I still deal with from time to time, such as worrying constantly (even when there isn't a reason to), depression (to be discussed in a future post) and loneliness (feeling like no one understands). I talk about my mother a lot throughout my blog and losing her changed a lot of things for me.  So yes, I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter and I do my best to find joy everyday, but my emotions, and the happenings of life, in general, still get the best of me more often than I'd like to admit!

With that being said, if I'm sad, feeling depressed, stressed, menstruating, bored, heck, even if I'm happy, you'll find me eating my feelings away. I'm honestly surprised that I'm not overweight considering my lack of exercise and love of unhealthy / sweet food!

If I'm feeling down, I like to go to a restaurant (by myself usually) and get something yummy, followed by an extra sugary, calorie filled dessert! At home, I'm always baking sweets and there are almost always cookies available so my day is filled with scenarios like I mentioned above.

I didn't realize that I had a problem until recently as I have really been evaluating myself and my feelings and trying to be honest with myself about how I'm doing as a whole.  Like I mentioned during my Monthly Measures post yesterday I've been reading It Starts with Food and last night as I was reading, while rocking Maddie to sleep, it really hit me how serious this issue is and I began to cry about it a little.

This passage really hit home for me...

"You struggle with food cravings, bad habits, compulsions, and addictions.  You know you shouldn't, but you feel compelled to eat these foods.  Sometimes, you don't even want them, but you eat them anyway.  And you have a hard time stopping.  All of which makes you feel guilty and stressed and more likely to comfort yourself with even more unhealthy food...Specific food cravings can turn into poor eating habits in just a few days, leaving us stuck in a cycle of relentless urges, short-term satisfaction, and long-term guilt, shame, anxiety, and weight gain.  To effectively change our relationship with food (and maintain new, healthy habits forever), we need to understand what is behind our cravings, habits, and patterns. - It Starts with Food by Dallas & Melissa Hartwig

This truly resonated with me and if you are battling with food cravings as well, I suggest you give this book a try. It's a great read and I'm hoping to find and fully understand what is behind these cravings so that I can find a way to overcome this issue!

I'll keep you posted as I begin to make some bold, but necessary, changes and I ask for your prayers as I make this transition. I know this will be difficult and I know that I won't be able to do this without Him.

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14 comments

  1. Nicole, this is sou touching! We all struggle with something. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers. I handle stress badly too, and has resulted in hair loss in the past, and lead to anger. I'm trusting God to continue to lead me out of those bad habits.

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    1. Thanks, Rell! You are SO right about that, everyone is going through something and I thank you for your prayers :)!

      Girl, I'm going through hair loss right now so I definitely know the feeling. I'll pray for you as well, dear!

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  2. I am praying for you! I hope that it gets better and it sounds like you're doing the right things by reading that book. Changes don't happen overnight so don't get down on yourself if you still have slip ups. I am the same way about sweets. I'll say I'll eat one and then end up eating half of the package. Therefore, I don't buy large quantities of sweets anymore. If Hazel wants a sweet I'll buy her the individual package because I know I can't control myself. It's getting easier but I still mess up too

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    1. So glad for that reminder...that changes don't happen overnight, KellyAnne. Too often I let myself get worked up about my progress and forget that I'm trying, and that should matter a lot.

      I just told my husband that we can no longer have cookies in the house, at least until I can get myself under control, so thanks for the advice! It's always good to know that you're not alone in your struggles.

      Thanks so much for your prayers!!!

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  3. Almost every Sunday, our minister includes this in his benediction: "Be kind to each other, for everyone you meet is struggling with something." It's so true, no matter how things look on the outside. I had a similar experience to yours yesterday, but substitute "mini Heath bars" for "Oreos."

    But today is a new day!

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    1. Awww thanks, Gwen! How true that statement is and you are right, today is a new day and I just have to keep trying to work past my struggles. Pray for me as I pray for you!!!

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  4. Very interesting! I always have 'a taste' for something sweet after a meal and although I like to workout, it is tough to be disciplined to do so based on my hectic schedule. So I fast and pray about these things, my lack of self control when it comes to some unhealthy eating habits and my lack of self discipline when it comes to my fitness. God's Word works, it's amazing how it's changed my habits. I don't just do it every now and then, I've made fasting and prayer a part of my lifestyle (2 days/week)for going on a year now. What a major difference it's had in my life, not that I don't still struggle sometimes but it's a whole lot easier.
    xoxo
    Natasha @ Lovely You

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    1. What an amazing way to think about it. So often I forget to take my struggles to God and let Him take care of it. I am not very good at fasting, I'll admit, and it's a something that I definitely need to start incorporating into my life as I know it would make a big difference. How awesome that you've been able to do it for a year! At the end of the day I believe that the fact that I have not been diligently seeking Him first, as commanded, is where the true issue lies. I need to make a conscious effort to get back on track with God and I have no doubt that everything will fall into place! So thankful for this comment and the conversation we just recently had as it's brought so much awareness as to what I need to do moving forward!

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  5. It's honestly so hard to eat healthy. I eat all the time too. Love that meme...bc it's so true!! I need to be better about cutting up healthy foods to snack on.

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    1. It certainly is, Ashley! The crazy thing is that I'm doing my best to ensure that Maddie develops a healthy lifestyle by making sure she eats healthy snacks and plenty of fruits / veggies yet I'll grab something sweet instead of having what she's having. It's definitely something for me to be mindful of going forward!

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  6. I saw this post yesterday, but couldn't read past the first few sentences. I eat a lot of my feelings too. I try not to, but it happens in one way or another. I am praying for you and I may pick up the book on my next trip to the bookstore. Thank you for such a candid look into your life.

    Sophia
    twentyfiveseasons.com

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    1. Oh Sophia, I just knew that I wasn't the only one who struggles with this. I wanted to put it out there for that reason as well as to share the book that is helping me to see some things, and because by owning up to it (publicly) I can somewhat be held accountable to make changes! The fact that you're trying matters a lot and that's something that I have to remind myself...that I'm trying! I just need to find a way to make it stick! I'll pray for you too, Sophia, as I'm praying for myself!

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  7. I am definitely praying for you and journey into discovering more about yourself and your habits. If you need anything, let me know!

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    1. Yes, ma'am, you know I certainly will let you know! Being honest with myself is very hard but it's definitely needed so prayers and support mean everything to me right about now! Thanks, dear!!!

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